I’m realizing that two different kinds of energy drive my actions.
With the first, I feel tense and worried. I’m motivated by fear, trying to avoid the theoretical catastrophic consequences that I’ve made up in my head. It is not fun. I don’t live in the moment but rather in the terrible future that I’ve made up.
I’m using words like “catastrophic” and “terrible” to describe the scenarios I build in my head, but they may not be as dramatic for you. Ultimately, the idea is that when I feel this energy, I’m trying to avoid an unpleasant future that I’ve made up. This energy is fear.
The other energy is completely different. I feel relaxed, totally present with what I’m doing or with who I am, and what moves me is pure excitement. I feel joy. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how the future could be, and, if I am thinking, it is inspiring.
With the first energy, everything I do feels like it takes effort; I feel exhausted at the end of the day. With the second one, I’m flowing and I can’t feel any resistance, neither inside of me nor outside in the world. Things may not go as I would like, but that doesn’t frustrate or affect me.
With fearful energy, everything feels heavy, but with the second one, everything feels light.
Do you also feel these energies? Which one do you feel more often?
My life changes when I focus on which energy I am living in: Am I driven by fear or by excitement?
It’s been astonishing to realize just how much of my life was (and still is) driven by fear: fear of not having or being enough, fear of what others may say or think, fear of the unpredictable consequences of my actions… you name it. It’s been astonishing to also realize how much energy living in fear drains out of me. How exhausting it is to be there.
Now, whenever I realize that I’m being driven by fear, I’m able to distance myself from my thinking, breathe, see how I’m making everything up, focus on the present, get inspired, and then I start to feel light again.