Be Aware of Self-blame

It’s not easy to live from the inside-out. It’s not easy to be aware that I always have the final word about how I feel, that I can always decide to feel a different way from the way I feel at a certain moment.

Yesterday, I had a tough day. I was feeling stressed out. A couple of things happened the day before that made me worry. My body was tense. I was not really present in regard to what I was doing…

I was not productive. I didn’t feel I was being a good father when I was with my daughter, later in the afternoon.

But, I took it easy on myself. I know that blaming myself about the way I feel about something has never helped me. Quite the opposite: I’ve learned that the first thing I have to do in those cases is to be compassionate with myself, and let myself feel what I feel.

That is hard when I call myself a life coach, and I preach about how your thoughts create your moods. But, it happens. I’m still learning. I still have the habit of believing that the events in the world have the power to make me feel a certain way, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

So, in the past, when I’ve realized that I’ve been feeling stressed out, or worried for a long time (several hours or sometimes even a few days), my first reaction has always been to blame myself. How can I justify doing the opposite of what I say?

But, I learned that taking it easy on myself is also part of the game. It’s actually key in the process. Because it’s going to happen. It’s going to happen that you may act in a way that is not the way you believe to be best. And, that’s ok. Actually, that’s quite normal.

You are going to do things that are the complete opposite of what you believe in. Especially if the situation involves something that opposes what you’ve been taught, or what the majority of the world thinks.

I’m not mentioning this for you to use as an excuse. I’m mentioning it because if you fall into the blame-yourself game, you’re not going to correct your behavior. At least, that’s my experience. My energy would be focused on punishing myself with thoughts that would never lead me in the direction I wanted.

That’s not the mindset you want. If you want to feel better, you have to take it easy. Both with whatever has happened to you and also with yourself. We sometimes forget that.

The best mindset for learning is one where you’re full of curiosity and excitement, and there is no room for curiosity and excitement when you feel guilty.

Fortunately, yesterday I was able to remember that. At a certain point, I breathed, let my guilty thoughts be, without allowing them to affect me, and was able to be present for my daughter. To the point where I forgot (most of the time) the reasons that had made me upset hours before.

Life is whatever you decide to focus on.