The Root of Every Conflict

I see it with clients, with friends, and with myself: we all get lost in conflict. We get stuck in it. No one likes conflict, but it’s part of our lives. Is there any way to avoid it?

The way I see it is that when there’s a conflict between two parties, each assumes that they are right and that the way they think is the correct way and all others are wrong.

However, if we can all agree that everything we experience is our own story and that we never experience true reality, then we can agree there is no right or wrong—just two different experiences. Two different and totally subjective points of view.

We try to be objective, but it’s impossible. Objectivity doesn’t exist! It is a utopia, an abstract concept. It’s as real as a unicorn.

Trying to defend your point of view as being the right one is like trying to convince the other party that you own a unicorn. You may convince the other party, but that doesn’t mean your unicorn exists. It doesn’t mean you were right.

Getting stuck in conflict and trying to find out who is right is like trying to discuss whose unicorn is more beautiful. Does that make any sense?

Assuming that you’re right about something plants the seed to a future conflict.

Don’t take your ideas and opinions so seriously; they’re just yours. Sorry. They’re not universal truths.

This can be difficult to grasp, but it will make your life much easier.

Try to go beyond right or wrong! A much more useful question when you’re in a conflict is this:

Assuming that I’m not right, what do I want to do? What do I want to say? What do I decide?

A whole world of new options will open up before you, believe me. Pick one of those options and try it out. No matter which one you choose, it will lead to a more peaceful place.